Features

Saturday Deluxe / 12 September 2020

By Paul Sinclair

Comments

105

1. INT. GENTLEMEN’S OUTFITTERS – DAY
A man breezes into a clothes shop purposefully and approaches a sales assistant who is busy arranging some product on the shop floor. The assistant stops what he’s doing, smiles, and turns his attention to the customer.

SALES ASSISTANT
Morning Sir. How can I be of assistance?

CUSTOMER
I’d like to enquire about the McKenzie jumper that I saw online.

SALES ASSISTANT
Ah, yes. Good choice, sir. It has been re-produced to mark the 50th anniversary of the first McKenzie sweater, originally worn by traditional fishermen in Scotland.

CUSTOMER
Indeed. It looks almost as good as the original – my Dad had one when I was…

SALES ASSISTANT 
Better!

CUSTOMER
I’m sorry?

SALES ASSISTANT 
It’s better than the original. They’ve used the same highland wool, but the ‘McKenzie 50’ has been knitted by hand, at half the speed, by artisan, er, knitters and look [digs out a piece of paper from a nearby drawer] it comes with this certificate which has what I’ve just told you written on it. Because it takes longer, it naturally costs more to produce, hence it’s priced at the premium end of the market. Also, the packaging is top-notch. The garment is folded in a special way to preserve its integrity and minimise creasing. It’s known in the industry as a ‘gate fold’.

CUSTOMER
Right. How does taking longer to knit it, make it better?

SALES ASSISTANT 
The stitching is more precise, and controlled. Such attention to detail creates a product that elevates the sweater wearing experience. It has a tremendous old-school warmth to it.

CUSTOMER
[small chuckle]
I should hope so – it is a jumper…

SALES ASSISTANT 
[unamused]
I was talking about the spirit of the item, rather than its physical qualities. Are you interested?

CUSTOMER
Yes, I’ll take a blue one please – large.

SALES ASSISTANT
I’m afraid I can’t offer you a blue one

CUSTOMER
Oh… none left in my size?

SALES ASSISTANT
It’s not that, it’s just that these are strictly supplied to customers in random colours: cream, blue or green. We can’t guarantee any specific hue.

CUSTOMER
So how do I know which colour I’m getting?

SALES ASSISTANT
You don’t

CUSTOMER
What do you mean? I’m not going to buy a jumper without knowing what colour it is!

SALES ASSISTANT
The cream ones are produced in far fewer numbers and are therefore rather sought after. Imagine getting one of those? You’d be one of only a select few to own it!

CUSTOMER
I don’t want a cream jumper…I want a blue one.

SALES ASSISTANT
[confidentially]
Listen. To be honest, you didn’t stand much a chance of getting a cream one anyway. I’m sure it will be fine… you’ll probably end up with one you’re after.

CUSTOMER
‘Probably’!? Why can’t I just pay for the colour I want?

SALES ASSISTANT
[looks down at the sales blurb and starts reading]
The producers of the McKenzie 50 sweater are keen to jump-start and redefine the shopping experience. They say this ‘surprise’ element puts the ‘ping’ back in shopping, by adding an excitement, if you will a frisson, to the purchasing process. If you do end up with the colour you want you will actually be happier than you would have been if you’d know what the colour was all along. It’s quite clever, if you think about it.

CUSTOMER
[weary]
And if I don’t get the colour I want?

SALES ASSISTANT
You could always buy more than one? Increase your chances. If you buy three you’re bound to get a blue one!

CUSTOMER
[sighs]
Go on then.

The transaction takes place and the buyer leaves the shop. The sales assistant pauses for a moment, approaches a full length mirror, licks a finger and presses a loose hair on his head back into position. Strolling over the the shop window, he is surprised to see the customer he just served, standing outside, with his back to him. He has his bag with the three jumpers in one hand, and his other hand is pressing a mobile phone to his ear. The sales assistant can just about hear him remonstrating with someone – probably a wife or girlfriend – and catches the words “…well, what else was I supposed to do?”.

SALES ASSISTANT
Sucker.

Parlophone release David Bowie‘s The Metrobolist on 6 November. Read more here.

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105 Comments

105 thoughts on “Saturday Deluxe / 12 September 2020”

  1. Why does anybody even buy sweaters anymore?

    Just buy the MP3-er’s new clothes!

    Wear them virtually, any time you want.

    You can imagine them to be any color you like, because there’s no plebeian physical manifestation to tell you otherwise!

  2. Excellent and very funny! But I’m still raging that they cancelled the 40th Anniversary Picture Disc Releases just before Ashes To Ashes :-(! What were they thinking? Are they Mad? Well, probably, yes I think! What a wasted opportunity they would have sold by the Shed Load!

  3. Perhaps some form of group could be set up so those people unhappy with their Bowie vinyl colour can trade it with someone else for the colour they actually wanted. Then try and meet up in person to avoid additional postage costs (and then perhaps make a new friend based on a mutual preference for Bowie, or not if it’s based on ones favoured shade of vinyl!).

    Re. the comment about the New Order 12″ in the feed – does it cost the same to master and press a 12″ single as it does a single LP these days? If so, perhaps that would explain the general hike in 12″ single prices these days, or am I giving the recorded music industry the benefit of too much doubt?

      1. Great topic and great idea on a great music blog, what’s not to love? I think once a trading site is established all billable materials & postage to ship items amongst the members should be invoiced to Parlaphone. Paul thanks as always for the lively discussions here, have you thought of making an official ‘SDE’ jumper for sale?

  6. hey, at least with the scottish jumper you only get fleeced (get it!) for ONE textile

    if it were made out of swedish wool you’d get one sweater, made out of four textiles, and refabricated and reissued every 3-4 years……

    not to mention the version hecho en mexico!

    1. I guess that would be the one knitted from Alpaca fleece For the South American market, labelled “Oro” and supposedly coloured Gold, whilst everyone with functioning eyes swears it’s a muddy yellow. Somehow everyone has three of these things without ever remembering buying one…… I’ve got four.

  8. Standing ovation over here, spot on.

    Was trying to think of some clever addendum to add but, nope, you covered it perfectly.

    Now I want to put this on stage with my sketch comedy group.

  11. Ugh, it’s only in ‘standard’ wool! Why can’t they use ‘Ultra-HD-4K-Blu-ray’ wool?

    I’ll only buy it if there’s 5.1 stitching – I want to feel like I’m ‘inside’ the sweater!

  13. Brilliant Paul. This fleecing / rehashing of the Bowie catalog has been the plan from the very early days when Tony Defries first conceptualised it. The Bowie Estate just took learnings from his business model and are continuing to perpetuate it… Just listen to episodes 5, 6, 7 of the fantastic ‘Mainman’ blog (mainmanlabel.com) where he is interviewed… great to have the spotlight turned onto the business side of the Bowie relationship… Turns out the man masterminded the Bowie Bonds deal and remained involved with David right up to 2016… very informative and revealing.

  17. Good analogy Paul….

    There is a way around this you know.

    If the retailer took it upon himself to publicly say he was going to open everyone every single copy he gets in stock by slicing the shrink on the opening and checking and then to warn in advance that he would be putting a £20 premium on any Gold versions he may happen to uncover …..not for greed sake but for honesty sake as any golds will be worth a lot more that on the aftermarket.

    You could then serve the market with A known X amounts of Black and Blue’s and maybe one Gold.

    You’d have far limited “returns” for spurious reasons and the public would get what they want?

  20. Now if they finally release the 24/196 original flat transfer of the Stonewashed Levi 501’s that fit just like the ones I had back in ‘89 I would be a happy man.

  21. The sweater companies are going to…

    make only 2000 sweaters,
    in a ‘niche’ fabric that a lot of people don’t wear anymore,
    available only one day a year (three days this year),
    at ridiculous prices,
    in clothing stores that are nowhere near the people who want to buy them,
    that get flipped on eBay/Sweaterogs for even MORE ridiculous prices.

    …then wonder why they’re losing money.

  22. I pictured Rowan Atkinson as the sales assistant in Love Actually selling the SDE jumper.

    The last word ‘sucker’ is the most apt description, and some humans are very good at trying to seduce their prey to part with their hard earned money by dangling a carrot that appears tempting to the consumer, but where the odds of obtaining the desired prize are minimal. What are the odds of getting a gold David Bowie record?

    Sound judgement needs to be used to figure what is a poor deal for the consumer, and it is a good thing to point the finger back to the record company that believes it is okay to abuse customers, as Paul has done. If not, worse behaviour will follow – just imagine paying for music that doesn’t end up being owned by the consumer.

    Amongst some very good archival releases, like Joni Mitchell and Prince, that bring something new and exciting to the party, there is so much over priced dross being rehashed that is utterly pointless. Consumers will eventually tire of the latest fad like coloured vinyl and give up altogether.

    The biggest record company joke, from what I’ve been reading here recently, is the news that the David Bowie 7″ picture disc series has ended mid way through. Can I get my money back?

  25. McKenzie50 alert

    Amazon.nl has it for €8 as a preorder but don’t actually ship anywhere, so is there anyone in the Netherlands who could order one for me and ship to Detroit

    Paul can this be worn as a sweatshirt in the United States ? Is it an all region jumper ?

  27. I was considering ordering a bunch of sweater sets from Amazon, then deciding that I couldn’t afford them all and cancelling a bunch of them, then potentially reordering each of them as SDE (SweaterDeluxeEdition, obviously) alerts me to a dramatic fall in the preorder price, before finally picking up the rest on black Friday and telling the missus that they were £20.

    I don’t NEED any more sweaters. I’m plenty warm in the ones I have. However NEED and WANT are mutually exclusive.

  29. The true super deluxe jumper is baked in a banana cake. There are so few copies because only Mrs. Doyle produces these and she’s just one person. At least it also comes with a cup of tea (whether or not you want one).

  31. Is there going to be a limited edition t-shirt of the Super Deluxe Sweater? and maybe a set of buttons, some coasters a scarf, marbles? – I lost mine.

  32. Paul, I’m actually surprised that nobody has made a super deluxe edition box set in a custom sweater, pure genius!!! Its a lot less harmful to the rest of peoples music collections than a sandpaper sleeve!

  33. If they want mugs, sorry i meant customers, to buy multiple vinyl albums, why don’t they add different exclusive, unreleased tracks on different versions, instead of different coloured vinyls? (And all of the tracks on one cd for people who don’t want to turn the joy of music into another form of “stamp collecting”)
    That way (almost) everyone is happy…

  35. I wanted the new bowie anniversary sweater, thinking it would be amazing, but after purchasing it i have realised its identical to the 7 i already have. I thought it would be different as i was told it was taken apart and re-stitched on the inside. I feel a mug now…

  36. So back in the day Led Zep released In Through The Out Door with 6 different covers under a brown paper sleeve. This was before the start of my vinyl buying days (only just) but my question is, did anyone at the time give a shit? Is this a modern phenomenon?

    1. I can’t speak for everyone, but I do remember the people I knew who bought it all doing the magic painting on the inner sleeve, which I’m sure would destroy the collectible value.

      The first Devo album came out in the UK in several colours of vinyl. Whilst we were all keen to have a coloured one, nobody was that bothered which colour they got, & nobody I knew tried to get all the colours.

  39. Parlophone must have obtained a gambling licence. Then.
    To counter this ‘new’ business model employed by Parlophone – I have cunjured up my own money making racket…

    I will be paying Parlophone for the goods in one of three ways

    1: Monopoly money
    2: Buttons (blue)
    3: Legal tender.

      1. Hi Paul – you have a point obviously – I hate this random coloured vinyl stuff as much as you do – but.. if you don’t like it, just don’t buy it, right? … or I am missing something?

        1. The point is you can not just decide not to buy ‘it’ because ‘it’ is not one thing. What if you want to buy a black vinyl edition – I cannot chose to buy ‘it’ because no such thing exists only random colours so I might not get what I want. If I want white vinyl I cannot chose to buy ‘it’ because no such choice exists. So if you don’t have a choice to buy something it follows you don’t have a choice to NOT buy it either.

  41. Regular SDE site visitor, first-time commenter. The excellence of your sweater post compels me to leave the sidelines and get into the game. Bravo!

    You had me fooled at the end. I expected another customer to rush into the shop and start complaining about how much they hate the 40th anniversary sweaters from the Canadian sweater company, even though no one had been talking about those sweaters.

  42. You should have heard the furore when some shops offered customers a set which contained sweaters AND cardigans. Oh, the humanity!!!! The “NO MIXED WOLLENS” brigade combusted. Comments sections were full of angry, angry people OUTRAGED that such a thing could happen in their lifetimes – “I can’t believe once again I’m FORCED to have useless sweaters in my wardrobe just to get my limited edition cardigan”, “I stopped buying sweaters in 1986 and replaced them with cardigans – NO WAY do I go back”, “overpriced cash grab – I’m out” and so forth, ad infinitum.

  43. The first 50 McKenzie pre-orders include a 128 kbps MP3 download of Weezer’s 2020 Remix for “Undone – The Sweater Song”

    Standard issue M50 sweater vest also available (colors not yet announced)

    McKenzie mittens to follow Winter 2020

  49. I was waiting for the McCartney jumper box set.
    You get:
    The original jumper reknitted
    A new jumper which uses the original wool but is unpicked and then knitted back together in a slightly different pattern
    Another jumper but with 12″ and 7# sleeves
    A DVD which includes a full movie of showing the jumper being knitted plus original home movies showing Paul trying to knit the original jumper
    Plus an exclusive wool brush and glossy print of the jumper
    Plus a download code for your knitting machine to make matching gloves and scarf
    All housed in a special sheep case.
    Limited numbers worldwide.
    A bargain at £750.

    1. I think you have to download the left sleeve separately and stitch it on yourself, its not even included in the set, which it should be at that rip off price!

  50. Very good Paul. I’m learning how we are being played.

    New Order new single from Mute (5000 in grey) is £15 with £4.99 postage. Thats £20 for one 12″ single. 4 tracks, 3 of which are remixes of the new single, including an instramental. No, i’m done.

  52. How i long for the mad days of the 1980s when as an insentive to buy a single you were for instance given a free t shirt [Shakatak] or free 12″ single [Prince]…

      1. You’re right! I found that single in my collection recently and did wonder why, I just assumed it was my sister’s.

        Yeah, shiny black vinyl covering, right? I’ve still got it, it contains a nice selection of things. Not that single though, which is a bit churlish of me but hey.

    2. Received a free T Shirt with the 1981 Psychedelic furs 12” of Pretty in Pink.
      Sadly being a tubby kid it didn’t fit, so I swapped it with a mate at school for his copy of Sandinista by The Clash.
      If I still had that unopened 12” pack it would be worth a fortune !

  53. I just get the polyester one. Newer technology. Lasts longer. And a quarter of the price. I even get 2 extra 2 shirts with it that you don’t get with the sweater. Some people say it feels worse but I can’t feel the difference and I doubt anyone else does. It’s just snobism.

  54. LOL! That’s my favourite shade of blue. Just been looking at the official Bowie store Scary Monsters T shirts, £25 to £35, they’d be great if they put on the cover art on them, they’ve got the Edward Bell graphics, but without the cover art, vot is point as they say in Berlin. As long as they can sell T Shirt/Sweatshirt bundles at £90 they’re not going to be that bothered as to how Bowie fans want their vinyl. That said, I wouldn’t mind one of the T Shirts but most band T shirts these days are those horrible print on demand jobs that stink of vinegar when they arrive. I’d be interested to know (given how knowledgeable the SDE gang are) is there one single Bowie fan on the planet who has heard of The Metrobolist as a working title for TMWSTW? I have a feeling that Parlophone don’t have access to the unreleased Bowie archive & they’re rinsing it for all they can before there’s another reissue campaign.

  55. Very good.

    I spoke to a member of HMV staff last week when enquiring if they had anymore Hurting CD Super Deluxe Box Sets [in the sale at £24.99] and she smiled and said they all went on vinyl day when their exclusives got ‘snapped up’ and appeared on ebay before the person had gotten out of the mall.

    I know I missed that boat a while ago and it was a ‘nice to have’ [I already have the Deluxe] so I’m not upset.

    I guess now concerts are befuddled, the con artists have to turn elsewhere.

  56. The other thing about this is the numbered point.
    I highly doubt the number on the sleeve actually corresponds with what number the vinyl is printed at.
    The outworkers will not have time to turn a stack of vinyl to correspond with the covers number. Especially if done by hand. Also machined if the operator stacks out of order.
    So say you have 2000 ltd numbers of sleeves & vinyl in stacks of 25. So if i pick the first stack of vinyl & start packing from sleeve number 001. Vinyl 0025 will go into sleeve 0001 and so on. Makes a mockery of actual numbered editions.
    The only reason I doubt this is that I work in the print industry.

  58. I love this! When I first saw the photo, I thought you were offering some new merch. Then I read the dialogue (in ‘Are You Being Served?’ tones).

    I would suggest a SDE sweater (or ‘jumper’/’pullover’ as we Aussies call them) but you’d get complaints about all the ‘needle drops’.

    *boom tish!*

    :)

    1. But the spiel would say “signed by the artist” just to heighten the ambiguity. Research would reveal that it isn’t actually signed by the knitter, but the chap who drew the logo on the outside of the bag.

  61. Record companies latching onto the long-standing sales tactic seen in football stickers and trading cards. See how those collectors lust after the “shinies” and the Chase cards. You have my attention (and maybe my money) if you offer extra audio content over the standard release but as a graphic designer I won’t be duped by fancy packaging or the somewhat infantile fad of coloured vinyl or picture discs.

    Guilty on ALL counts of perpetrating said crimes though M’lud!

  62. So I agree about the random colour point and in fact prefer my vinyl as 180g black original vinyl but I do think half speed mastering is beneficial as far as I can hear but clearly haven’t and can’t do an all else equal A/B comparison.

  63. Haha, well done Paul!
    Do you think there are people who think they ordered the Metrobolist in regular black, get the gold and wonder why they got the gold?

  67. I like the Tony Visconti mix of the Space Oddity album so i’ve ordered Metrobolist, terrible title, terrible cover! I can’t say i’m bothered whether i get a coloured vinyl or not.
    Incidentally, Ebay seller music.shop.london has quite a batch of the Roxy Music / Steven Wilson rsd vinyl. £24.95 + £5 postage. Good to see a dealer who isn’t selling rsd releases at inflated prices.

    1. If you manage to bag the Steve Wilson remix, it sounds great -albeit after a good clean, otherwise you can hardly hear the great mix over the static and surface noise!

  68. The weekend started well with this – thanks. It had me thinking of ARE YOU BEING SERVED? and chuckling! The Bowie marketing team seem to have worked very hard to come up with a plan to make their buyers paranoid and unhappy and you little parable hits the nail on the head. I got SPACE ODDITY but it was disappointingly the black vinyl one. The only thing that stopped me going on eBay for a coloured vinyl one at a hiked price was the I had recently bought the stunning multi-coloured Paul Smith pressing (different mix of course). I’d love to have been a fly on the wall at the record company meeting that came up with this totally crap idea.

  70. Excellent! I can’t help imagining this carries on Python-style with the customer going back in to the shop and asking the sales assistant if he wants to go back to his place.

    I’m looking forward to Episode 2, where another customer tries to buy a pair of trousers only to find it’s more expensive as it comes with a t-shirt included at which point they complain endlessly that they don’t wear t-shirts and why can’t it all be separate.

  71. This made my day!

    Excellent! It’s not even only about colour, with some box sets you may get a postcard or a letter signed by the artist or you may not…

    I’ve never been fan of the lottery so I really don’t like this marketing strategy.

    I don’t mind limited editions in various colours and with one produced in very small quantities (gold usually) but in that case they should just price accordingly.
    Following your example, you should get blue for £50 and they should price cream or gold for £200 or £250. These would sell anyway….

  73. You forgot that the wool has been woven by the original weaver, but he’s woven it in a new way that half the customers will think is superb & the other half will find to be really itchy.

  74. I’ll make one point: the majority of sales assistants are equally unhappy and bewildered. Stories are legion of store staff receiving ill-treatment from customers frustrated by this kind of tactic, especially re: refusal to open shrinkwrap to check vinyl colour before sale.

    Really, the wholesaler who provides the store is the bad guy.

    1. No it wasn’t. You ordered the specific cover you wanted out of the 8. The vinyl releases each had a different colour assigned to a sleeve design. The range was available for a two week period then withdrawn. All subsequent copies have the same sleeve and the same colour of vinyl. I’m quite sure some fans bought the lot but they were given the choice with full disclosure, nothing “random”, no surprises.

      1. I stand corrected. The way it reads is completely random. It does not mention that you can choose. I suppose this is done at checkout after you have given details. The In The Trees version is staill available UK on her website.

        1. Caroline is correct, and the process was quite transparent. I chose the design/colour I wanted from the 8 available, added it to the basket and then paid for it. There was no way in which the purchaser could have thought the choice was random if they bought it in those two weeks. That’s why we won’t get our copies for months – the different designs and colours will be made to order.

  77. Oh! I get it. ha! They are doing this right now at Urban Outfitters, with the new re-issue of the Mariah Carey “Rainbow” 2 LP set. The colors are red, yellow, violet and yes, blue. And the color you actually receive is random. From the picture on their page, at least you get two of the same color in your set. It’s a good thing that I don’t care which color I get. ha!

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