TRANSLATED! The SDE guide to reissue and music box set PR

This is brilliant. You forgot :

Marbles : we’re desperate and we’re Pink Floyd.

“Bonus material from the best sounding source”= we took it from the bootleg that all collectors already have for ages…

Ah ah ah. This is great ! :)
And soooo true…..

If you are The Who, Kinks, Rolling Stones, Bowie then you will need to release another disc of;
Greatest Hits, Essential, Best of, Icon, Ultimate, Rewind, Big Hits, Changes, More Best of, Collection, Playlist, Masterpieces, Pure, Best of Mono, Singles Collection etc eyc

Exclusive archive video footage = we downloaded a bootleg DVD off a torrent site, reencoded it from PAL to NTSC and stuck it on the bonus disc, because we were too lazy/cheap to go and get the master copy from the TV station. Oh, hi Genesis, didn’t see you there…

Recently unearthed = artist finally got around to cleaning out closets before moving mcmansions!

“Eco-Friendly Digipack” = your CD will be scratched to hell before you remove it from the too-tight sleeve, and sleeve itself will look like it has been through the wars in less than 5 years.

And, although I’m not sure how you’d pair it with an existing hype-phrase, any recent major reissue campaign from a 70’s megaband (Fleetwood mac, Pink Floyd, Zeppelin, Rod Stewart) etc = “15 years too late, the current income stream has thinned to such a trickle that they’re finally taking label advance money to remaster and dig through the vaults. Also, all parties will lose money.”

“Career spanning retrospective” = Does not include any material from the album/s when the band tried to carry on without a key member/s. e.g The Velvet Underground, Echo and the Bunnymen, The Clash etc.

Very funny! And don´t forget:

Previously unheard remixes – new, very poor remixes that removed all traces of the original song and replaced them with a new beat. Don´t for a second think they are period pieces.

Lavish book filled with photographs – twenty pages of photographs, 15 of which are unrelated to the album itself.

Extensive liner notes – three rows of intro from the artist, then a copy of the artist biography on allmusic

Complete recordings – except three tracks that we couldn´t fit onto the discs, oh and by the way those three are the most sought-after ones.

Complete recordings – except the 7″ single versions that are familiar from the radio, nobody wants those eh?

Complete recordings – except those tracks that the artist wanted to remove.

Complete recordings – except those only released in Japan or the US, they don´t count do they?

LOL! Brilliant! And so effin’ true!

“Exclusive Historical Recordings” – but only if you buy the Super Deluxe Version, which otherwise just contains 3 CDs of “greatest hits” which you own a million times already. (Grrr, Rolling Stones – literally)

“Exclusive 2-CD Version” – because we took the bonus tracks from the £5,99 version and put them on a separate disc, hoping you won’t notice. (Sony, you reached new depths for Paul Simon’s “Graceland” box – it makes your Oasis box look like gold!)

And no one yet has even mentioned multi-formatting!

Multi-formats: 9 versions of the album you’ve owned forever anyway all in one box ) and only need one of them, depending on your preferred listening system. (How I Wish that 8 of You Were NOT Here, Pink Floyd!!)

Slightly off topic:

The official Pink Floyd store is currently listing a Division Bell 5.1 DVD at £9.99 for anybody interested.

Previously Unheard – Recorded under the influence of drugs and forgotten about until a tape tuned up.

Strong possibility it’s not even by the band in question (see Tarkus reissue).

“Groundbreaking” – Sold 3 copies first time around.

Uber Deluxe—> same as the deluxe but in an unstorable box filled with ill thought out crap like stickers,badges, a pair of shades and a fan-club magazine you already owned and was even available in newsagents originally, cost us pennies to produce as the items were unsold and collecting dust in a merchandise store room but we’re adding it to the super deluxe to make it uber deluxe and throwing another £100 on the asking price!!

HAND SIGNED CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY BY THE ARTIST – Said artist was locked in a room, one afternoon, after a record company funded lunch. Said artist got bored half way through. End result; Full signature reduced to initials
OR
FIRST (insert number here) COPIES OF THE RELEASE COME WITH A HAND SIGNED CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY BY THE ARTIST – Said artist was not offered lunch and brokered deal with record company to sign as little as possible

I’m particularly fond of the TV advertised releases tag line “The perfect gift for… Christmas/Mother’s Day/Valentine’s Day/Father’s Day”. Of course, one of the major reasons for the Led Zeppelin reissues coming out next week is Father’s Day. Doncha love marketing?

“Keyring” > See ‘Tote Bag’

Brilliant.

Marbles – must be a Pink Floyd box set

Hahahaha… I’m at office and everybody is watching me laughing. Just great post!

I would add:
High Definition Audiophile Format = the same old classic 10 titles re-released to collect the formats but not the music itself!!!

First Time On CD – One of the band has a vinyl copy he / she hasn’t played.

Pink Floyd’s marbles? At least they’re more interesting than a stupid tote bag or keyring!

Can I just point you to the song “Box Set” by Barenaked Ladies … covers most of the above jokes with the addition of the box set referred to in the song including a disc with a recording of “his high school play”. Well worth a listen and a chuckle …

Rerecorded – the record company has shafted us on royalties so we’re trying to shaft them back but we don’t sound like we did 20 years ago so these versions will probably annoy the crap out of you

Funny, Funny, Funny. It’s always funny to laugh at ourselves.
More of these articles please. You made my day.

‘Deluxe Edition’: a bonus disc of unreleased demos, early takes and live/session versions, but not the hard-to-get b-sides, single edits and mixes that you actually want.

Unheard in X years = except on YouTube
Fully authorised =more expensive than version on YouTube
includes legendary performance = first hit on YouTube

Great guys!!! I´m still laughing! Very well done! :-))

““Host of unreleased recordings” > Music rejected the first time around for being sub-standard.”

PAUL,
I don’t agree with this the slightest. Yeah, some people say “outtakes are outtakes” but if you don’t want outtakes then don’t buy super deluxe editions! Many fans want to hear demos, outtakes, alternative mixes. If they didn’t, who’d be reading this site?!?

Just saying… ;-)
The rest of your statements I’ll agree with though.

“Collectors Edition” – More expensive

“Import” – More expensive here than the USA

“Stunning Packaging” – Matt black box

“Gatefold Sleeve” – Card folder you can’t get the disc out of

“Deluxe Packaging” – The disc will be scratched

“Die Cut Sleeve” – The disc will be covered in dust. And scratched

“Handmade” – The disc will be covered in fingerprints

“Entire Catalogue Reissued” – We’ve been taken over by private equity

“10th Anniversay Edition” – We’ve blown all the money already

‘Collectors Edition’ = label stuck on standard edition to encourage middle-aged, balding & slightly overweight male completists with no life* to spend twice as much money getting the same thing.

‘Fan-chosen compilation’ = record company chosen-compilation. Fan’s votes were ignored.

‘Record Store Day exclusive’ = unlimited re-release a month after RSD.

‘Record Store Day exclusive’ = excuse to overcharge & then hypocritically complain that it goes straight on ebay.

‘Limited to 1,000 copies’ = Limited to 1,000 copies in each of the 200 countries it is released in.

‘Free P&P’ = extortionate P&P costs hidden in an over-inflated price.

‘Exclusive material across all formats’ = You’ll have to buy all formats to get all the unreleased tracks.

* = such as me ;-)

“60 page hardback book” = no longer comes with lyrics

“Remastered” = Expect mistakes

“Available for pre-order from the artist’s website” = Pay more to get it after release date.

Ha! Nice work. :-)

Re-Remastered Part 2 (With Special Bonus Tracks): At least if you, dear costumer, have to let out the money for something previously beeen Mastered again, here comes with some unheard stuff that they could be perfectly released by itself and made us, record companies, win some money just as we want to do. But we are too busy thinking of how get our pockets fulled with not real good stuff that can’t get a chance to think of that properly.

Love it!

definitely accurate with two exceptions… some remastering, like THE SMITHS whilst Johnny Marr sat alongside Bernard Butler drinking tea, actually turned out well.

And 180 gram vinyl… Sort of tired of the thin flimsy vinyl… seems lazy and like a rip off.

Re-Remastered: Yes we know u’re thinking “But wasn’t released before and now they have a new one???” But no worries, this one sound ever worst that all previouly released editions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Always in case can hear it in a super-mega-terrific good audio system, if not just listen in on your usual one to non-enjoy all the differences can be found…

Special Audiophile edition — contains 2 cds, 1 dvd, 1 cassette tape (with artwork), 3 vinyl records (a 45, original album, new version on 10″ 78rpm), special 8-track, and a reel-to-reel of the first single. == Although we complain, please make copies and share with your friends.

This is hysterical. Thank you!

absolutely superb! LOVE THIS POST!!!!!

“First time on Vinyl”: that means we are being complete chancers in trying to get anyone to buy this heap of sh*te outside of a bargain bin labelled ‘one hit wonders’

“Iconic” – often used to describe an epic recording

“Epic” – often used to describe an iconic recording

Immersion Edition – full of cr*p no one wants and not containing what was sought after. Named after original typo for submersion edition insofar as most of the contents won’t float if you try to flush them.

Includes a voucher to download MP3 versions of all tracks – does not include a voucher to download MP3 versions of all tracks.

Signed certificate of authenticity – well it’s not like we’re going to sell fakes.

Not available in all countries – only available in London.

First 250 come with exclusive tote bag – after that you get two tote bags.

Contains reusable sticker set – cheaper than trying to find source tapes for 12 inch mixes, etc. Marketing director’s 5-year old daughter loved it.

Super Deluxe Pop-Up Edition – contents including CDs glued together.

CDs presented in limited hard back book – we couldn’t afford jewel cases

Beatles Limited Edition CD Mono Box Set – only four copies are available per living entity in the solar system

Record Store Day Exclusive – available at ten times original price from record store / label employees via your favourite internet auction site.

Limited Glow in the Dark Picture Disc Edition – sound quality will be so poor there’s no need to bother remastering it.

“with new tracklist” (hello morrissey, duran duran…)

“Recently unearthed studio recordings from 197x” = bad or mediocre demos recently overdubbed and remixed with vocals recorded last year.

“A must have for every true fan” = you must buy over 70 songs you already have in 2578 formats, lengths and mixes to obtain a few minutes of studio wanking and doodling of very bad audio quality.

don’t forget “with new remixes of old classics” and “now with new cover art”